Wording on a Business Flyer

[liamjaydesigns]

Hi all,

I'm currently designing a flyer that is going to be sent out to some select targeted local companies
that I think could benefit from using a design company.
However I am not sure if the wording is good enough. I noticed that there has been a post on a similar topic
so was hoping that some of you kind people could rip my text apart and leave me with the ink stained remains.
Suggestions, advice, ect!

Remember this text is for a fully designed 3 fold flyer with about 5 work samples and a business card to be included.


Enough!

Your Business Can Never have Enough Exposure!
That’s something every business owner knows.

But......How Do You Achieve it?
That's where we come in.

Liam Jay Designs, is a Graphic design company based in the South West.
We offer a Personal, Professional and Affordable Design, Print and Production service by qualified Graphic Designers.

We strongly believe in simple effective graphic
design, to help communicate a strong corporate
image for both individuals and companies that can really help a business stand out against it’s competitors

What’s more we understand that not all businesses are huge multi-story empires that are ready to take over the world (at least not yet)
and we specialize in catering for some of the smaller businesses out there, so whether you need anything from a simple business card design
to a complex new logo, never be afraid to contact us for an informative chat.

In the past we have done graphic design work for a large number of very satisfied clients Including:
The Celtic Manor Resort, Rip Curl, Trinity Youth Centre and Cardiff International Design Fair among many others.

Our designers come from both Graphic Design and Illustration backgrounds
to ensure we can offer you the graphic design approach that best suits you and your business.

Contact us to discuss your project,
get a no obligation quote, or visit our website
for more information:

www.liamjaydesigns.com

15% off any services between now and the 1st July 2009 if you quote ‘enoughpro09’ when placing an order

*Please note that the other side of the flyer features a list of the main services that we offer (business cards, logos, ect) as well as our contact details.*

Thanks

[Emma]

Who are you targetting?

[liamjaydesigns]

Sorry Emma but I don't quite follow you? Do you mean the names of each of the companies? Otherwise, like I said local companies that I think could benefit from using a design company. There is not one type of company e.g. 'beauty parlors' but a range of small businesses.

[Emma]

That's a little more helpful. So it needs to be a generic message?

[liamjaydesigns]

yes a generic message so we would not be highlighting how amazing we are at producing items
for a beauty parlor as the flyer could also be going to a shoe shop ect.
However all of the businesses will be in our local area.

[ethical PR]

Hi Liam

Was trying to look on your site to give you a little advice on your copy, but I can't seem to get the link to work.

Best wishes
Helen

[liamjaydesigns]

Hi Helen.

Yes we have just changed our web service provider
and they have been causing us some problems.
Site should be back up on Thursday.

Cheers,
Liam

[Ray Stewart]

It's way too full of "We".

I think you should re-write it as if you are explaining why graphic design is essential to a small business to your best friend/mum. I don't want to know too much about you at all. You need to convince me that you are the firm to use for a gap in my business I hadn't realized existed.

What benefits will a business gain from choosing you over any other of the umpteen designers all chasing work?

What makes you really special and the only expert designer that can help the targetted businesses?

Offer a really breathtaking, irresistable price offer for a limited time - rather than a measly 15% reduction. You can do this if you are after customers for the long term - like a loss leader. They have to agree though to give you a testimonial or allow you to showcase the work you do for them as part payment for the cheap price.

Just a couple of thoughts for you.

[Paul Simister]

Good advice from Ray.

Make sure you have a strong headline to capture attention

Only three main types that work

1) How they benefit
2) Curiosity
3) News

The first is the best, the second the most difficult to do well

Your aim with a flyer is to get them to take action so you must have a very strong reason for your prospect to act - or land when they are thinking "I wish a knew a good graphic designer" and even then they still need to have a good reason to stop whatever it is they are doing and contact you.

[fundingportal]

In addition to above advice, always assume that the recipient has no real interest in reading what you have sent; so you have to stimulate them, and keep all the key points within a limited attention span.

[AdamW]

On a side not Liam you want to get that domain reregistered before your grace period expires!

[liamjaydesigns]

ok thanks for all the advice and tips.

@ Adam: The domain was registered to be transferred to my new hosting company
10 days before my old deal expired hence I said I was having problems!
Site is back up now though, so problems now fixed.

@ Ray: I've taken your advice and rewrote the text to focus on explaining the benefits
of Graphic Design so please read through and see if its looking any better?


What are the Benefits of Graphic Design
and Why Should You Care?

If you have any form of corporate identity then
you should care very VERY much. How you present
your company is fundamental to its success.

Graphic design is a crucial factor to any business,
as it can make it stand out head and shoulders
from the competition. Whether it is the creation
of a basic company logo or the design of an entire corporate campaign
it still has to work effectively for you and your business.

Here is a simple example:
These are four critical elements that should
be seen in every logo design:
• It must be describable
• It must be memorable
• It must be effective without colour
• It must be scalable

Fairly obvious really but how does your logo
stand up to these criteria?
Does your company identity really stand out
from the other competition?

Why was that particular colour chosen instead
of its opposite? What about that graphic?
Why do you use that style of Font?

And that’s just your logo. What about Your Business Cards? Your Letterheads, Your Website?

At Liam Jay Designs we always think through every detail of a design and only include elements
that will add to the design and re-enforce the brand.

If you look at the large corporations you will notice that their brand strategy
stands the test of time for many years. Would yours?

Benefits of using a professional design service:
• Professional Corporate Identity/Image
• Considered and long-lasting design strategy
• Make your company look bigger
• Stand out from your competition
• More effective

Liam Jay Designs, is a Graphic design company based in the South West.
We offer a Personal, Professional and Affordable Design, Print and Production service
by qualified Graphic Designers.

We specialize in catering for some of the smaller companies out there, so whatever
your needs, never be afraid to contact us for an informative chat.

Thanks guys

[a3m designs]

Follow the AIDA model

AIDA stands for:

Attention
Interest
Desire
Action

It is the sequence of events that a customer goes through, before he or she makes a purchase. An effective ad must generate Attention. This is usually done through a combination of headline and image.

Photographs and illustrations must go on to create Interest in the reader/viewer. From this position, Desire for the product or service is built up, until Action is taken - i.e. a request for further information.

Hope this helps.

[NikkiPilkington]

On a lighter note, running copy through the 'We We Generator' usually highlights any glaring 'thinking only of yourself' copy errors

http://nikkipilk.sc10.co.uk/blog/200...11-ah-oui-oui/

But Steve has it right with AIDA - thinking about your copy with that in mind may help.

Alternatively have you looked into prices for copywriters? They're not that expensive when what they generate can bring you £££ of business.

[designsbysteve]

As in all situations, I cannot recommend the use of a professional copywriter enough. You tell them your target audience and let them work out how best to say it. I always recommend this service to clients as you can be sure your message is brief, clear and concise this way. Probably wouldn't cost the earth for something of this length, and if you're struggling with it, it could be worth considering.

[PointandStare]

Way too many words. No-one is going to read that lot.
I assume that you're getting A5 flyers done - have you looked at this text on such a small are?

"Liam Jay Designs, is a Graphic design company based in the South West."
Seriously, get someone to write the copy for you.

[liamjaydesigns]

No its not A5. It's going to be a double sided 3 fold A4 flyer and yes I have printed out a sample and the text size is fine (main text is 8.5 which is quite large for body text).

Also in regards to ""Liam Jay Designs, is a Graphic design company based in the South West."
Seriously, get someone to write the copy for you." - I don't mind criticism but I like it to have a reason why?
As I previously stated I am trying to capture small LOCAL businesses so why is stating what we do and where we are located such a bad thing?

[WinningNames]

I think it's too wordy, too. Moreover, your flyer is promoting graphic design and graphic design companies in general and not your own company. It sounds a bit as if it has come from a business studies textbook.

Instead of saying Benefits of using a professional design service followed by the bullet points, why not say
Liam Jay Designs will
* give you a professional corporate identity
* make your company look like a big player
* help your company (or just you) stand out from the crowd
* help your company become more effective (bit woolly, this one!)

[PointandStare]

OK.

Change:
Liam Jay Designs, is a Graphic design company based in the South West.

To:
Liam Jay Designs are a graphic design company ..."
also, where? South West what? I understand you're targeting local businesses but SW could be anywhere.

[WinningNames]

No, I'm sorry - Liam Jay Designs is a .... is perfectly correct. You'd say 'Great Expectations is a great book' using is, not are, despite Expectations being plural; you regard the book and the company as singular entities.

[PointandStare]

A book is an inanimate object, (I assume ), LJ Des is a live entity?

I might have it wrong but to me 'is' doesn't sound right.

[SmilePrint]

.........Meanwhile back at the main thread..........

How would you feel about a few pictures.

Liam Jay with a wrench fixing the plumbing, Liam Jay with scissors cutting hair.

Or maybe just a plumbing / hair disaster.

message being.

I won't try to do your work if you don't try to do mine!!

Just a thought.

[liamjaydesigns]

Lol @ SmilePrint.

Yes the flyer is going to have several pictures on it
(although they were not going to be like your idea)
although I do like your suggestion so may try working
on something along those lines and see how it looks.

[Ray Stewart]

It is an excellent idea and one that will raise your profile (and a laugh) when people see it

[simonr]

"pinted out a sample and the text size is fine (main text is 8.5 which is quite large for body text)."

Assuming you mean 8.5 pt, then I beg to differ! Really, I do! 12 pt is as small as I'd go.

S