UK Business Labs - The UK Business Forum - Blogs - rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/ UK Business Labs - a business networking forum for help, advice, marketing and promotion for uk-based, small to medium sized businesses. en Sun, 01 Aug 2010 02:07:04 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg UK Business Labs - The UK Business Forum - Blogs - rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/ Quisnam blandior pro tutela? http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/94-quisnam-blandior-pro-tutela.html Sat, 04 Oct 2008 12:00:14 GMT Which is Latin for “Who cares for the carers?” Yesterday when I was assembling the new bed I managed to gouge myself with a screwdriver when it... Which is Latin for “Who cares for the carers?” Yesterday when I was assembling the new bed I managed to gouge myself with a screwdriver when it slipped. Well never mind, these things happen in DIY. I slapped on a plaster so as not to bleed on the carpet and carried on.

When my middle daughter got home she saw this bloody plaster and asked what I had done. She has been trained in first-aid for her job and immediately stepped into that role and insisted I get a tetanus shot. “Later” I said. Not happy with this she picked up the phone and booked me in. “You have an appointment at 4pm“

It is an interesting part of Life’s journey when one’s children start taking on the caring role…

Note to self: Must practice my drooling….

 ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/94-quisnam-blandior-pro-tutela.html Teach your granny to text http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/93-teach-your-granny-text.html Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:58:47 GMT On a visit to Sainsbury's this morning I spotted this book on display. It was a charity book put together by contributions from kids. The interesting idea is that by changing our behaviour we can make it easier for others to change.

Someone I know is currently fuming at a parent's daft behaviour. I wonder what this title would suggest doing if someone around us is being mean, what could we do to help them change this?

You can match your behaviour to theirs and effectively show them what it feels like, but that feels very negative. You can mirror it and do the opposite and be very generous. Certainly this is the higher path but I can't imagine it making any difference in this case. What other options can you see? ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/93-teach-your-granny-text.html Stillness http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/77-stillness.html Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:49:16 GMT There are no end of people out there exhorting us to change, I could even be consider one such voice. There is also a time for stillness, for not... There are no end of people out there exhorting us to change, I could even be consider one such voice. There is also a time for stillness, for not moving. Nature uses periods of stillness to build energy and effect it’s greatest changes. Think of of pupating caterpillars, think about seeds awaiting germination.

Today is such a day for me… and maybe today the voice of stillness is calling to you too.

“One’s action ought to come out of an achieved stillness: not to be mere rushing on.” D.H. Lawrence
 ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/77-stillness.html The boggy point http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/76-boggy-point.html Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:36:15 GMT I was out walking today and we came to a place where the path got very muddy; deep, boggy and very mucky. It obviously happens all the time there... I was out walking today and we came to a place where the path got very muddy; deep, boggy and very mucky. It obviously happens all the time there because to one side of the path, people have developed an alternate path that bypasses this mini-swamp. You see this quite often in the woods. I often wonder how many people it takes to make a path. I think it is great that where there is a problem area, people find a way round it, and by following in the paths of others we too can avoid the mess.

Sometimes it is a good thing to follow in another's footsteps and to walk around a problem... the alternative can be very messy!

"Others will follow your footsteps easier than they will your advice."

"Men nearly always follow the tracks made by others and proceed in their affairs by imitation, even though they cannot entirely keep to the tracks of others or emulate the prowess of their models. So a prudent man should always follow in the footsteps of great men and imitate those who have been outstanding." Niccolo Machiavelli
 ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/76-boggy-point.html A blessing or a curse? http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/71-blessing-curse.html Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:58:00 GMT I caught all of 3 minutes of a documentary on Sky the other day called “The Real Dirk Diggler”. It was the story of John Holmes, the man on whose... I caught all of 3 minutes of a documentary on Sky the other day called “The Real Dirk Diggler”. It was the story of John Holmes, the man on whose life the movie, Boggie Nights, was loosely based. Without getting too bogged down in the specifics, this man was a very well endowed chap. The interesting thing is that this apparent blessing became a curse that destroyed him. He seemed to define and think of himself solely in terms of this ‘gift’. Other people can take an event that would crush another person in their stride, just think of the Para-Olympics. Why is it that an event that most people would label as ‘good’ can harm, and equally a ‘bad’ one can almost make someone?

I think the secret is that the events and things are not intrinsically good or bad, it is just how we chose to label and respond to them. The same is true of people, if we label someone ‘no good’ then that is all that we see and all that we get from them. Someone else with a more positive view almost certainly gets a much better response. So our labels have huge power to affect not only our own lives but also those who we work and live with. Labels, are just another handy, labour-saving devices, but they need reviewing or they can be dangerous.

So today maybe a good day to take stock of your labels and check they are all still valid and serving you.

“A name is a label, and as soon as there is a label, the ideas disappear and out comes label-worship and label-bashing, and instead of living by a theme of ideas, people begin dying for labels… and the last thing the world needs is another religion.” Richard Bach
]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/71-blessing-curse.html But.. http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/69-but.html Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:51:13 GMT Image: http://www.i-change.biz/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/butt.jpg What an interesting little word this is. I would think that we all use it... What an interesting little word this is. I would think that we all use it every day but seldom pause to consider its potential impact. It is a little modifying conjunction that tells the person that the first part of the sentence does not contain the full message. “She is a nice girl but…” or “He is a good worker but…” We all know that what comes next can having a damning impact. Think of how differently we might complete these sentences if the last word were ‘and’.

Clearly like all words ‘but’ has its place and purpose. However, sometimes we could, and perhaps should, reconstruct our sentences to remove this little verbal land-mine.

Interestingly, there is an old English meaning of this word with French roots that means target (as in archery butts), sometimes this meaning feels a lot closer to the truth…

“Know your limits, but never accept them.”

“The top of the hill is but the bottom of another mountain.”
> ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/69-but.html <![CDATA[Surfin']]> http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/68-surfin.html Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:15:30 GMT Image: http://www.i-change.biz/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/silversurfer05-thumb.jpg In my work I have to work with the energy that I find in the... In my work I have to work with the energy that I find in the room. It is a little bit like surfing only unlike conventional surfing, you don’t know where the waves will take you. You just have to respond to what you find and work with it.

Today I was helping three businessmen discuss merging their operations. I knew there was potentially a profitable deal to be done, but wasn’t at all sure that the personalities involved would be able to agree how to do this. Interestingly, the tide twisted and turned and apparently insurmountable obstacles were steered round.

When human beings come together there are always these invisible currents that flow and just like tides, they can be used to take you forward or they can impede your progress. When you are able to ride a ‘big wave’ safely to the shore, there really is nothing quite like it!

““The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
 ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/68-surfin.html You never know.. http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/67-you-never-know.html Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:07:10 GMT what you don’t know. I had an enquiry from my website yesterday from a German business, and also a call from an old contact that I had not heard... what you don’t know. I had an enquiry from my website yesterday from a German business, and also a call from an old contact that I had not heard from for 2 or 3 years who now works for another organisation. Neither of these events was predictable but both could have an impact me.

In modern business plans are elevated to almost divine status, but every plan I have ever seen has always had limitations & flaws. In the immortal words of Donald Rumsfeld:-

“As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don’t know
We don’t know.”

The fact is that the unknown can have a positive as well as a negative impact on our lives and planning is all well and good, but our ability to handle and even enjoy the unknown is often a key ingredient to success.

“Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.”
 ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/67-you-never-know.html Many ways to skin a cat http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/65-many-ways-skin-cat.html Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:19:09 GMT Having never tried, of course, I wouldn’t know! Today I was preparing for a business meeting which had the possibility of being a little difficult;... Having never tried, of course, I wouldn’t know! Today I was preparing for a business meeting which had the possibility of being a little difficult; it involved bringing together a number of parties all with different needs and interests. I had anticipated it foundering on the rocks of some of the ‘demands’ of the participants despite the fact that it appeared to me that there were wins for everyone if agreement was reached.

I was called by one of the parties and had a meeting with one of the others, when a whole new way of looking at this opened up and suddenly a rather neat, if somewhat different solution begun to present itself. Obviously we won’t know till the meeting is held, but it is interesting that sometimes the solutions to our problem pops up in unexpected places, and of course, we can easily miss them if we always look in the same old places.

So if today you are wrestling with a problem, try looking somewhere new for your answers….

“Good questions outrank easy answers.”

“If we can really understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem” Jiddu Krishnamurti ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/65-many-ways-skin-cat.html Free!! http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/64-free.html Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:09:28 GMT What a powerful word. We all want to be Free. If something is ‘free’ we grab it, whether we want it or not. People die in the name of Freedom; they... What a powerful word. We all want to be Free. If something is ‘free’ we grab it, whether we want it or not. People die in the name of Freedom; they torture and maim in its name. Today I discovered that my mother, a very shrewd and canny lady, had been conned by the lure of a ‘free’ holiday. Some shysters told her that she had won a free holiday and then asked her for her card details just to cover taxes and registration. Next thing she knew they had charged her £400!

What is it about this word that disarms our critical faculties? I can think of few words that are more powerful. The thing is that our words are packed with layers of meaning, only some which can be found in the dictionary, and some which are more emotionally based.

Although we can all buy and use the same dictionary, but that doesn’t mean that words mean the same thing to different people. Small wonder that communication breaks down. I wonder just what fall out will come from English becoming a virtual world language when it is so tough even within the same country.

If a conversation is important, you not only have to say your piece, but also to check that the other person has received it ‘in clear’ rather than scrambled. (The picture is of an enigma machine that the Germans used to send and receive coded messages. The key was you had to have two identical machines and the code key to understand the message. Cracking this system was a key step in defeating the Germans in World War 2)

“The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.” Joseph Preistley

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Rudyard Kipling ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/64-free.html Life is like a game of Bowls? http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/49-life-like-game-bowls.html Sun, 03 Aug 2008 10:34:57 GMT I was having a conversation with my wife this morning that got me thinking about Lawn Bowls, an old and rather civilised English game that can trace... I was having a conversation with my wife this morning that got me thinking about Lawn Bowls, an old and rather civilised English game that can trace its history by to the 12th century, and craved into English history when Francis Drake claimed he had time to finish his game of bowls and then defeat the Spanish Armada. For those who have never played, you roll a very heavy ball down a very smooth lawn to try and hit another smaller ball called the jack. The art of the game is compensating for the fact that the balls have a small off-centre weight inside them called a bias, which makes it impossible to roll them in a straight line. If you watch this game played by skilled practitioners, you will be amazed by their skill in using this bias.


That got me thinking about our own biases, which of course we all have. The lawn bowlers, are very familiar with the bias of their bowls, but we often keep ours hidden from everyone including ourselves. We are always fair and objective aren't we? The things is you can't start winning at bowls till you familiarise yourself with and compensate for your own bias. I wonder if Life isn't a bit like that too. Until we understand where our biases are, and accept that we need to 'bowl' a curved line to compensate for them we keep landing wide of our mark.


There are people we don't like, places we don't feel safe, activities we find challenging and all of this may well be based on sound reasons, but those same judgements and stories divert the path of our thinking just as surely as the little weight in the bowl. Be honest with yourself about these things, own them and share them and you maybe surprised just how directly you get where you want to go…. Good luck!


"To know the true reality of yourself, you must be aware not only of your conscious thoughts, but also of your unconscious prejudices, bias and habits."

"He flattered himself on being a man without any prejudices; and this pretension itself is a very great prejudice" Anatole France ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/49-life-like-game-bowls.html Life is a project http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/41-life-project.html Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:28:21 GMT Regular readers will recall the renovation of Cooke Towers has been a topic that has both occupied much of my attention of late and inspired a number... Regular readers will recall the renovation of Cooke Towers has been a topic that has both occupied much of my attention of late and inspired a number of these blogs. It has taken a lot of time, energy and money to make it all this happen, and whether you are building a pyramid or refurbishing a kitchen, resources have to be organised, sequenced and accounted for. I have just been a little gob-smacked by how much time it has taken to get this to happen. I know this is no surprise to most of you, because you have been here before and no doubt think me a tad naïve to be surprised.


However, at the office we take on all sorts of projects that require a similar degree of organisation. They need time, money, space, bodies, energy, imagination, commitment and a whole lot more, but how many get this? How often do we either lob a 'little' project at someone without giving these things due consideration and then we are surprised when it never quite works out the way we hoped.


If you aren't prepared to resource a Change, then you would be far wiser just keeping schtum and walking on by. If on the other hand it is important to you, commit to it.


"A project is complete when it starts working for you, rather than you working for it." Scott Allen

"It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project." Napoleon Hill ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/41-life-project.html The Circles of our Minds http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/34-circles-our-minds.html Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:10:40 GMT “Like a clock whose hands are sweeping Past the minutes on it’s face And the world is like an apple Whirling silently in space Like the circles... “Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it’s face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind” Michel Legrand

I awoke this morning with these lyrics circling in my head; so not so surprisingly,I start thinking about all the circles that affect our lives. We live on the third rock for the sun, revolving at 1000mph, which itself orbits a bigger rock at a rate of 67,000 mph, and our whole solar system is also rushing through space at 200km per second!

If we think about our lives they really are made up of series of patterns we keep repeating, where we shop, where we work, who we see, and the things we do. It is true that some of us have more variation in our patterns than others, but we all play out these routines. Obviously they serve a valuable purpose as they save us time, and keep us safe. However, they also keep us locked up inside a tiny space.

One of the things I love when I am walking is when either we get lost (which is just a way of saying being somewhere you hadn’t intended to be and are not familiar with) or deliberately take an unknown path. These little forays always open up new vistas and unlock all sorts of new possibilities, and also complete and fill out my mental map.

The Delai Lama recognised the value of Change in out lives in his Tips for Life. I would suggest is that we recognise the importance of introducing a little space into our lives, by allowing in something new, something we don’t already control. These little cosmic ‘wild cards’ are the very seeds of Change. Can I challenge you today to do something different, to break a habit, even if it is only as tiny as to wear your watch on the other wrist?

“Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that’s turning
Running rings around the moon” ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/34-circles-our-minds.html THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/32-power-darkside.html Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:59:12 GMT I went to an interesting talk the other day and thought I would share some of the learnings with you. It was a discussion about the impact of our... I went to an interesting talk the other day and thought I would share some of the learnings with you. It was a discussion about the impact of our ‘dark sides’ on our performance. We are all used to being asked various questions about our behaviours and have done countless psychometric profiles. This one started off with an apparently simple little test. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being high) on the following characteristics:-
  • Enthusiastic
  • Shrewd
  • Careful
  • Independent
  • Focused
  • Confident
  • Charming
  • Vivacious
  • Imaginative
  • Diligent
  • Dutiful
As this is a list of ‘good’ things, people merrily mark themselves up “I’m all of those!” they say to themselves. However, if there are any of those that you have rated yourself at 8 or higher then clearly they are strong traits, and powerful things, if not properly controlled, tend to cause problems.

“Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody” Mark Twain

There is a correlation between these behaviours and more serious psychological disorders. Imagine a spectrum of behaviours with normal at one end and clinical at the other. In the middle are the downsides of our own strengths.

So people who are normally Enthusiastic, when under pressure can become Volatile, see the following table for the full list. Interestingly, if you think about some of the comments you might get from your colleagues or loved ones, and you will often see these are referring to your ‘dark side’ behaviours. You might even realise that under pressure you just close your door (either literally or figuratively), put your head down and start plodding on.
Positive Negative Description of Dark side
  • Enthusiastic-> Volatile: Moody and hard to please, being enthusiastic about new people or projects and then becoming disappointed with them.
  • Shrewd-> Mistrustful: Cynical, mistrustful, and doubting the true intentions of others.
  • Careful-> Cautious: Concerns seeming reluctant to change and being too concerned about making mistakes.
  • Independent-> Detached: Aloof or uncommunicative and lacking interest in or awareness of the feelings of others.
  • Focused-> Passive (covertly) Aggressive: Independent, refusing to be hurried, ignoring other people's requests, and becoming irritable if they persist.
  • Confident-> Arrogant: Unusually self-confident, having strong feelings of entitlement, being unwilling to admit mistakes, listen to advice, or attend to feedback.
  • Charming-> Manipulative: Enjoys taking risks and testing the limits, easily bored, and seeking excitement.
  • Vivacious-> Dramatic: Lively, expressive, dramatic, and wanting to be noticed.
  • Imaginative-> Eccentric: Acts and thinks in unusual and sometimes creative ways.
  • Diligent-> Perfectionist: Meticulous, precise, and critical of the performance of others.
  • Dutiful-> Dependent: Eager to please and reluctant to take independent action

The thing is, if these behaviours are coming from the person at the top, then they can be disastrous (read “Why CEOs fail for 11 case studies of big corporations such as Enron and Xerox brought down by this kind of behaviour.)

“We all need to look into the dark side of our nature - that's where the energy is, the passion. People are afraid of that because it holds pieces of us we're busy denying.” Sue Grafton

The truth is every one of us can ‘lose the plot’ a bit when we are under pressure and the very things which normally help us, taken to excess, can shot us in the foot. Realising this enables us to help others and gain help for ourselves. Ask people who know you and whom you trust “What 3 things do I tend to do when under pressure?” and you will almost certainly find that they relate to this list. Having established your personal ‘red flags’, then you need to get them to help you once they see them, even it is only saying “Freddy, you have shut that door again!” Once you realise that behaving badly isn’t the same as ‘being bad’ it is easier to accept help.

We all get stressed, and we all need a little help from our friends when we are in that place. Learning how to accept it may just be one of the most valuable lessons of your career. Recognising the danger signs in your team, may also do a vast amount to improve performance and morale.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

Resources:
1. Hogan Development Survey - SCALES AND INTERPRETATIONS
2. Values & Dysfunctional Dispositions
3. Why CEOs Fail
Richard Derwent Cooke is a Facilitator, Coach & Change Agent and the founder of I-Change. He specialises in helping leaders, and their teams, clarify, develop and implement their plans. He has been working in the fields of personal and business change for over 25 years, working with international blue chip companies and individuals. Trained as a chartered accountant and in various alternative disciplines. See www.i-change.biz for more details, or email info@I-change.biz. Change & Stuff Blog: http://www.i-change.biz/blog/ ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/32-power-darkside.html The nettle strewn path http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/31-nettle-strewn-path.html Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:51:24 GMT am often amazed at how the outside world mirrors our inner one. Today I was out on one of my yomps, down in Hampshire. It is a magnificent bit of... am often amazed at how the outside world mirrors our inner one. Today I was out on one of my yomps, down in Hampshire. It is a magnificent bit of the country and I had planned a route that took us amongst the hangers. We hadTons-of-Stinging-Nettles-0 gone a couple of miles or so when we found that the footpath seemed a tad overgrown. That isn’t that unusual at this time of year, with all this rain and sunshine. So we beat our way through waist-high nettles, bracken and brambles, and we emerged into something a little clearer. However, the further we went, the more nettles we found and by this time we had hacked through so many going back seemed unthinkable. If I knew at the beginning what I know now, I certainly would never have attempted it; I sit here typing with legs abuzz with nettle stings.

So when you come across an obstacle, what do you do; beat through it, find some way round it or change your plans?

“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong” Thomas Carlyle
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” Hannah Moore ]]> rfc@i-change.biz http://www.ukbusinesslabs.co.uk/forums/blogs/rfc-i-change-biz/31-nettle-strewn-path.html